9 Reasons Cats are the perfect species for the big trip to Mars. You’ll be amazed at number 5!


Lemmy and Kizzy Woo love staring out of their visors at the small blue ball in the sky.

Mars.   Mars is the fourth planet from the Sun and the second smallest planet in the Solar System, after Mercury; oh and Cats would definitely science the shit out of it.

With that in mind here are 10 Reasons Cats are the perfect species for the big trip to Mars.  Besides any opportunity to not go to the vets would be gratefully accepted by our feline friends.

By the way you’ll be amazed at number 5!

1.  The atmosphere of Mars consists of about 96% carbon dioxide, 1.93% argon and 1.89% nitrogen along with traces of oxygen and water.  Mars does have an atmosphere, but it is about 100 times thinner than Earth’s atmosphere and it has very little oxygen. The atmosphere on Mars is made up of mainly carbon dioxide. An astronaut on Mars would not be able to breathe the Martian air and would need a spacesuit with oxygen to work outdoors.  Cats however could be amazingly and inherently indifferent to this fact.  IMHO.

2.  The total journey time from Earth to Mars takes between 150-300 days depending on the speed of the launch, the alignment of Earth and Mars, and the length of the journey the spacecraft takes to reach its target. It really just depends on how much fuel you’re willing to burn to get there.  Cats famously love to stare out of windows for near infinite amounts of time.  As such they are perfect for the long trips to Mars.  Note to Elon Musk/NASA; must remember to put in windows, and or screens showing typical urban street scenes on a loop.


3.  Okay not relevant but George Lucas almost completely ruined Star Wars.  Yes that’s right.  Even among the The domestic cat (Felis catus or Felis silvestris catus). a small, usually furry, domesticated, and carnivorous mammal, this is universal knowledge.

4.  The temperature on Mars ranges between about -125 and 23 Fahrenheit (-87 to -5 Celsius).  Their warm fur will help them keep them warm in the cold Martian climate.  Probably.

5.  Cats would look hilarious/cute/funny in Spacesuits LOLZ OMGZ PMSL PMP LOL.  This would also afford more opportunities for Youtube videos. 

The entire underpinning of the Internet would be kept going for at least another 20 years (yeah okay Porn is number one but that’s another list, and cat-porn, well, let’s not go there.  It must bloody exist.  I don’t think there is any such thing these days as a category in porn that doesn’t.  I bet even underwater chess porn is a thing.  It’s  probably no accident that CHESS is an anagram of SECSH).

6.  Cats would welcome the chance to be a new worlds overlords.  After all they already believe they’ve conquered this one.  You never know they could even be worshipped as gods once again.  As the unfathomably great Terry Pratchett once said….

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.

7.  Gestation or the length of pregnancy of a cat averages 64 days. It is generally between 62 and 67 days or about 9-10 weeks. You might notice subtle indications of pregnancy after the first 3 weeks. The cat’s nipples will begin to swell and their color will change from white to a rosy pink.  Perfect then for the Mars cycles and for establishing a viable size of population.

On a side note Cats could carry with them Toxoplasmosis.  This is a disease caused by the parasite Toxoplasma gondii, which can be found in garden soil and raw meat. Cats can get toxoplasma infection by killing and eating infected prey.  Another opportunity then to populate (repopulate?)  Mars with life.

8.  Cats like to defecate in other peoples gardens.  Major research has discovered that cats foul neighbouring gardens intentionally to mark the edge of what they consider to be their territory – typically less than 300 yards from home.  Faeces is fertile and so an excellent fertiliser for plants.  That and the removal of the obstacle of ‘the angry neighbour’ and you have the ERRR perfect recipe for growing fields of potatoes on Mars??????? Ummm.

When your moggy uses the next-door garden as a personal litter tray, your argument that it was purely down to chance may then no longer hold water, and that brings me to my last point:

9.  There is considerable water locked up in the polar caps on Mars and more may lurk locked beneath the surface; but there has been exciting new evidence that running water exists too!  Domestic cats generally do not like being drenched in water, even if they like to play in/with it and drink it from your tap.  With no chance of being submerged, Mars then provides the Kitty with the right water based needs.



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